Dating life: What I’ve learned.
I started online dating on and off for a few months now.
Things I’ve learned about dating so far:
- Be yourself. In the past I’ve held myself back from being anything but myself. I was trying too much to be liked or as the saying goes “the disease to please.” Being myself has given me more confidence in myself and discover new things about myself. For example, I no longer feel insecure not knowing an answer to something. In fact, now I embrace it, own up to it, and ask more about it if I don’t understand something.Before I would remain silent and pretend I knew what they were talking about.
2. Have boundaries. It took me a while to finally apply this to my life. There’s a quote I read that said
“ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of self respect.”
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I believe that is true. How will people respect or know what you want if you don’t communicate what you want or not want? Being kind is one thing but you cannot let people take advantage of you by always being available and saying yes.
3. Set your intention. I first heard about this word through Oprah Winfrey. Her definition of intention is this:
Intention is one with cause and effect. Intention determines outcome. And if your stuck and not moving forward, you have to check the thought and the action that created the circumstance. — Oprah
Setting an intention gives you a clear understanding on your actions and thoughts. It is something I try asking myself before I decide to go on a date with someone.
4. Go with no expectations. In the past, before meeting someone, I would romanticize or fantasize how I wanted things to be. This has only led me to feel worse than better about the outcome. There is a saying that goes “Expectations lead to disappointments.” I couldn’t agree more. I now have changed my mindset to be open minded, have a good time, be my authentic self and always make the best of it no matter how it may go.
5. Be clear on what you want. I will admit, when I first started online dating, I didn’t know what I wanted. I was going out with guys based on more looks than anything, to be completely transparent. I was not invested so much on the qualities I was looking for. I knew I wanted a meaningful relationship but I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Recently I decided to write a list. A detailed list. What qualities do I have? What qualities I want in my partner? What are things I value and want in a relationship? What are my non negotiables? When I wrote this list. It gave me clarity. Before, I would say in my mind what I wanted but I would end up doing the opposite. Saying one thing can be one thing but taking the time to reflect, think and write down what you want is liberating. Sure, the list has sometimes changed but what remains the same is being in alignment my core values, beliefs and integrity.
Dating definitely has it’s ups and downs. I’ve had some great dates. Some not great. Where ever you may be in your dating journey, I hope you find what you are looking for. Regardless if you are single or taken, always keep being you. Keep loving yourself. Keep valuing yourself. Keep doing things that make you happy. The right person will come when you least expect it.
